That book he’s torn up is “The Idiot’s Guide To Positive Dog Training.” Sigh…

Our cats were getting bored and fat. And while Dave and I were shopping up a catnippy, feathered storm that sent our local pet shop proprietor into happy, sticky lathers, our cats remained both stoic and impervious to our toyish charms.

Fed up, I asked our friendly pet doctor for advice whereupon she pulled out a slim line red laser pointer (green pointers are far more powerful and should not ever be used as a toy)

To be honest, I wasn’t hugely overjoyed. My experiences up to this point involved twits in movie theatres aiming red dots up Johnny Depp’s nose and the occasional hurled bucket of popcorn from less than amused movie goers.I also remembered being regaled throughout high school by urban myths starring kids with blinded, swollen bleeding eyes. And if there’s anything I’ve learnt in life, it’s that even the most sprawling urban myth will have at least one grain of truth to it.

So, while both of our cats and new dog Benny were spending frenzied hours tearing up and down the hallway on the chase of the “little red light”, I was spending frenzied moments researching “safe laser play” and dodging geeky, Star Wars lovin’ websites with increasing alacrity.

So here are Miss T’s Five Tips for Safe Laser Cat Toy Play:

1. Don’t ever point the laser into your animal’s eyes. Actually, you can make that anyone’s eyes come to think of it! Cats especially however, have seriously sensitive retinas that mean just one second of laser fair square in the eye will cause painful and irreparable damage.
2. Which leads to my next point: never allow your kid to “laser play” with your cat or dog. Your child may well be the one of the kindest and keenly intelligent beings on the planet. Unfortunately, their motor co-ordination skills are not so developed, so keep them playing with furry, fluffy toys until they’ve left home. Hey, let’s get real, would you trust your teenager with a cat and a laser in the same room?
3. This goes for adults too! Only “laser play” when you’re fully alert. Which means: don’t use it when you’re drunk, tired or trying to impress your mates. Cos you won’t. Blind cats and dogs are generally not considered “funny”.
4. It’s best to “laser play” if you follow it up with some tactile play after. Certain animal behaviourists have said that laser play really hooks into the cat and dog instincts for hunting. But because there’s no actual “thrill of the kill” kitty’s and pups can end up feeling frustrated and may end up gnawing up your electrical cords to scratch that itch. (There’s even talk of kitty’s getting OCD’s from those automatic laser toys that look so appealing.) So, split their playtime in two; get them excited and razzed up with laser play and finish the play with one of their favourite “real time” toys like a rattle mouse or catnip plaything.
5. Finally, so that your best furry mates don’t keep hunting for the red dot until way into the night, it’s a good idea to show them the pointer and the light and then put it away in a drawer. That way they know that “show’s over folks”

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